Two years, reflections

Had a day off yesterday - it was our second anniversary. In so many ways the first year just felt like survival. It was as if I had unwittingly climbed onto a wild horse or the world's most terrifying roller coaster: just grit your teeth and hold on as all the change and adjustment, all the implications and obligations of the commitment made, rush over, under and around. The world turned upside down.
But yesterday when we reached the end of the second year, it felt much more like an accomplishment. As if, knowing now the true cost of our commitment to each other, we 'did' marriage on purpose rather than surviving it. The conversations, the growth, the struggle, the slow emergence of new senses of identity, all these became choices we made, things we intentionality did in order to curate our relationship.
So when it came to celebrating an anniversary yesterday, it felt comfortable. We didn't have to create something amazing to do, or find an amazing destination to visit. We just spent the day together, doing things that we each, and both, like. The gifts were simple, but exactly suited, and neither felt the need to go overboard or try to get something 'wonderful' in order to celebrate. We just shared, remembered and knew.

Now I am back in my office, getting my head back in my work. Monday's success (1488 words!) needs to be repeated three times. Then, I will have a rough draft of this chapter (at long last)! Again I scrabble around the edges. I doubt my construction. I wonder if this subheading should be in another section or if that subheading would be better before that other one. I have to remind myself that all the moving around can happen  in the editing. I just need to create something to edit - after all the editing is one of the things I enjoy - the craft of putting it all together and doing it well.
I am here again, partially to get the thoughts and reflections on marriage out of my head, and partially to kick start my writing again, as my post on Monday did so well. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your prayers.