Sorority of Singleness

Some four or five years ago I spent a year as a full-time student in a Christian counseling program. Although I went on to complete my Master's degree in another subject at another seminary, that year in my life shaped me in many positive ways.

During that time, I was in classes with two other 'girls', each a few years older than myself. For reason of accident, shared classes, similarity, necessity or divine ordination, the three of us formed a circle of friendship in that year that still has echoes in each of our lives now, though we are separated by time and distance.

One thing the three of us definitely shared was 'singleness' and all the feelings and frustrations that are often associated with that state in young women. Life went on, but the fairy-tale love story we had been raised to expect ("Cinderella ought to be shot" was the comment of one of them in a counseling class) had not come to pass. We were all 20-somethings, still single, though hardly by choice.

When life and calling took me away from that counseling course, I continued to meet single-not-by-choice women everywhere I went. These women seemed to come in all ages, shapes and sizes. Some were widowed, but most were spinsters, to borrow the old word, "single, never married." When I came to Cardiff, joined a church and began to build my network of friends and support, I met more members of the sorority of singleness. They seemed to be everywhere, and broaching the subject of struggling with living alone immediately crossed the bridge of culture, age, interest or personality. Members of the sorority seem to recognise one another by instinct and to sympathise immediately, the mutual experience of longing and loneliness bonding them together at once.

As much as we love our sorority sisters and all wish happiness for each other, when one announces an engagement, it is hard for the others to fully rejoice. Instinctively we know that we are losing a sister. Although she will still be a friend, the status of marriage will remove her from the society to which she has heretofore given her time. The married friend must prioritise with her husband, and though she will always remember the years of loneliness, the pain is no longer present for her. It is a bittersweet feeling to bid goodbye to those sisters as they leave the sorority. For some we worry that they were too desperate to escape and compromised drastically. For others we rejoice in the genuine joy and love they share with their partners.

I wonder. When the time comes for me to quit the sorority, will I feel a pang at leaving behind my single sisters, and when I have begun that new style of life, will I remember them?