Traps

Spiritual warfare does not seem to be a comfortable topic in the conversation of Christians. Many seem to dismiss talk of Satan or his servants as active in the world. Perhaps there is evil in the world, but it is to be found in oppressive systems or sinful people. The highly intellectual climate of theological inquiry can foster a sense of superiority. After all, there isn't anything very scientific or open to analysis about some nebulous war between the spirits of 'good' and 'evil'.

On the other hand there are sincere Christians who never doubt that there is a war constantly being waged in the world, a war in which the followers of God are consistently targeted and the forces of evil are all to real and malevolent.

My own concept of the spiritual realm tends toward the latter conception. Based in the novel This Present Darkness, my ideas about spiritual warfare have grown and developed. Never before I encountered that book had I thought seriously about the forces of evil ranged against believers. That is not to say that I have adopted Peretti's vision of personalized evil individuals waged in a war against equally individual angels, but I haven't ruled it out either.

For the last several years I have struggled with a few certain issues, sins, doubts and weaknesses born of a specific life experience. In the process I have developed patterns and 'coping mechanisms' that have often hindered as much as they helped. Most of these manifest themselves as thoughts of the mind and attitudes of the heart, and in the last week I have seen a pattern, a pattern that reinforces my tendency to believe in evil in the world that is both personal and malevolent.

Taking advantage of a tendency toward homesickness, this evil turned my thoughts in negative, dangerous and self-destructive directions. Recognizing the pattern, I turned aside to prayer, claiming God's superiority and my own freedom from such evil traps, and I did escape. For two days I was gloriously free and happy, but last night the trap was much more clever, catching me in a habitual sin that I can't seem to shake. As a result, today I teeter again on the edge of depression battling the voices that remind me of my own repetitive failure.

This is not to remove my own culpability for sin. I am well aware of what I have done wrong, and can even identify the moment when I realized the direction in which I was going and chose not to walk away, but God offers grace. I have confessed, repented, and asked for help in changing, but the nagging voice is still there reminding me of what I have done wrong.

These are the traps, set and sprung. The traps set by the evil one in an effort to neutralize my effectiveness in my calling, but there is comfort here. Years ago, I sat in my pastor's office. We were talking about my calling, my potential, and a certain weakness of character I was struggling with at the time. After speaking glowing words of my potential, he said, "I would hate to see that hamstrung" by weakness. From that point I have striven to overcome by prayer and perseverance that and other character flaws and sinful habits in order that I might be able to serve God to the fullest now and in the future of my service to him. After all, as others have said, if I am under attack by the forces of evil in the world, that means I am a threat to them, and, in a strange way, that is very comforting.